The Excitement Hangover

I have just gone through a couple dozen hours of flights, interrupted by a few days of interviews, meetings, events, and presentations, because I am quite possibly going to receive an amazing financial aid plan from a really incredible school. And in my case, with all the excitement comes the aftermath: exhaustion, excitement, anxiety, and fear.

Don't get me wrong, I loved pretty much every minute of my trip. In addition to being located in LA, and having some really amazing Mexican restaurants both on and surrounding the school, the community that I experienced there was of a surprising caliber. Honesty, vulnerability, and a desire to follow God generally seem to be on the radar of the students and faculty there. But amidst the waves of handshakes, questions, explanations, and smiles, I found myself spinning a little bit. Could this really be my life next year? What if I choose wrong? Or, slightly scarier, what if there is no wrong choice?

But God reminded me today through a very direct sermon, based on Luke 9, that Jesus has a bigger question in the middle of all of this: "Who do you say I am?" Often, my actions can reflect a mindset that labels God as a spiritual slot machine, or a shelf God, who I can take down for my own convenience, instead of truly recognizing him as Lord and protector of my life.

Further, it occurred to me (as it has whenever I let myself spiral in thought) that I have been holding onto this experience in ways. Trying to control little bits of it. Saying to God "Sure, you can guide me through my application process, and maybe even in the interview, but during my down time, I will stress as much as I like, thank you." I haven't been giving my whole heart to God, and it shows.

But God has other ideas about this. It is very apparent, in fact, that rather than being stressed, I should be excited, whatever the outcome. Because, let's look at the track record. I am alive, well, have survived and grown from incredible trials both in my personal and professional life over the past years, and all that time have been provided for in ways that can only be described as miraculous. Suddenly, I'm feeling a little bit like post-Egypt tribe of Israel complaining that only manna is falling from the sky.

And, after all, "Can worrying add a single hour to your life?" (Matt 6:27) Or for that matter, can it get you an amazing scholarship? Of course not. Further, I'm wasting hours on brooding instead of connecting to people in life giving ways.

So, as a challenge to those who read this, I leave you with this thought from Phil 4: 6-7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

What are you struggling to let go right now? Do you have any excitement in your life that has blinded you to God's provision? Or any stories about related situations?